Photo: Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm
Elisabeth Röhmis a busy mama!
Best known for her roles as Serena Southerlyn onLaw & Orderand in films likeAmerican HustleandJoy, the actress is currently starring as Aria Price on her Sony Crackle showThe Oath.
The actress and mother of one can be found onFacebook, as well asTwitterand Instagram@elisabethrohm.
Elisabeth Röhm’s daughter Easton.Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm
As the school year comes to a close and I look back on what we did right and what could’ve been handled better, one word comes to mind. It’s a very current word, a hot topic and one that came up in our own household.
CHEATING.
Nothing is more fun or fulfillingthan to help our children succeed. I get it. I loved helping Easton with her projects when she was in elementary school, but as this year unfolded and fifth grade became more challenging in preparation for sixth grade, it was my greatest hope to give her the skills to do itallon her own. God forbid, one day if I’m not around. Morbid thought, I guess, but what I meant more was what will happen when she leaves home and goes to college?
Elisabeth Röhm.Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm
Easton complains sometimes that I won’t get involved in playground politics. Instead, I talk to her about her behavior, how to conduct herself and what she feels in her heart. Of course we discuss strategy, but seldom do I call the school or other parents and get involved. In other words, I do not take away her power and any real chance she has of problem-solving in the future. As her mom and her biggest advocate,I want her to feel empowered and know thatshe has the skills to navigate her relationships with both children and adults when I’m not present. I give her the tools, but then I get out of her way.
And please don’t get me started on the dopamine of electronics and how they impede all self-motivation, energy and creativity. No, I’m not pointing any fingers, as I too struggle daily with the tense conversations I share with Easton about how much happier and more motivated she is when she’s not checked out and numbed out on her devices — how alive, electric, kind and communicative she is when the aggression of staring at an iPad, iPhone or laptop hasn’t hijacked my kid and her bright future.
I had averydo-it-yourself childhood. I spent my life riding horses in the woods of upstate New York or riding my dirt bike and returning at night for dinner. Iam of that generation where we had tomake our own experiences, climb trees, fall, wipe ourselves off and climb back up again until it became skillful and effortless.
I wasn’t allowed to watch too much television and seeing as I was an only child, I had to develop my own imagination versus distracting myself with my siblings or, these days, disappearing intoMinecraft. Not to mention I had a very busy father and my mother was not that helpful with my homework, so I was left to my own devices to sink or swim both academically and in many other areas of my life. Do you relate?
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But you know what, you guys? As this year unfolded and I pondered what felt like years of solitude in my childhood, I found I was reflecting with gratitude on my capabilities to manifest success, organize, complete, dream up and follow through. In other words, I am proactive, and it became a theme in our household this year that I wanted to teach to Easton more than anything. Ididn’t want her to be depressed fromhours of checking out and then further impede her with an overly involved mother who helped her get out of the sticky spots of getting her work done even if it was something simple.
Trust me, Easton is a very good student and a very self-motivated person, but all our kids would rather playThe Simsor what have you than finish homework on weekends or in the evening,
Obviously, there has been scandal on the subject lately in the news. One of the things that kept coming up in conversation among my closest friends was, “Would you have done whatFelicity [Huffman]orLori [Loughlin]did to help give your child an added advantage?” Some admitted they would have. My answer is no. I can’t imagine anything more harmful than setting your kid up to lose in the world with two major disadvantages:
Can we imagine a heart-wrenching scene where we’ve helped our children do their homework, projects or what have you all their lives and the time comes where you are no longerthere or they are simply in school, unable to perform because they didn’t do the work to begin with? They didn’t manage their time or complete tasks and homework on their own. Basically, they have no clue how to perform. They’re frozen and paralyzed, and in way over their heads.
More from Elisabeth’s PEOPLE.com blog series:
Let me just say that my proactive plan to help Easton help herself worked out really well for many of the weeks leading up to the night before this huge project was due, but full disclosure: The night before was hell, as she had forgotten one large component of the project and we were in a full panic. You bet she asked me to help, and when she got too tired to do any more and had to sleep so she was rested for school the next day, she blatantly asked me to finish it while she slept.
Boy, was she upset. Easton had to get up hours earlier than planned to finish her work. But you better believe when her grade came back and she’d gotten 100 percent, that grade and achievement was hers and hers alone. Wow! What a day! There was no creeping or sinking feeling receding in the corners of her mind that she didn’t earn that grade. Shecould stand tall and proud knowing thatevery bit of that 100 percent was hers, not mine.
I have to be honest: Since then, I have seen such growth, and that added confidence has permeated throughout other aspects of her performance for the year. She began to take it upon herself to retake tests that she knew she could do better on, and she planned better in advance for her work.
Elisabeth Röhm’s daughter Easton (L) and friends.Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm
Like I said, it was not easy to be tough, but looking ahead to sixth grade, I’m certain that Easton’s success will be her own and that if she’s struggling, she’ll take great pride in figuring her way through her conflicts and difficulties on her own — and more than ever am I sure that doing it for her is a big mistake. When I hearabout kids going to college these days, I hear more stories such as these than there should be. The old-fashioned, do-it-yourself way is without a doubt, in my opinion, the best way to ensure happy, healthy and confident kids.
The summer is upon us and now we can relax, rest and enjoy the fruits of our labors … ah, how nice to feel and be free for a bit. Wishing you all a wonderful beginning of summer! Until next time …
source: people.com
